Poetry Draft

After the holidays I was thinking back on the week and how I didn't step out of the box and didn't do things with my family. I missed the chance to make precious memories with them. This poem is in response to the feelings that overwhelmed me in the 24 hours after I left.

I'm not me...
By: Alyssa Collins

I'm not the me I want to be
I'm not the things I thought I was

I once thought I had a purpose and was special
Now I see that was a mirage
All along I've been wandering through the desert
Waiting to find some grand motivation
Something that will make everyday worthwhile

And while I wait... and wander through this desert place
I find that my motivation and the person I was dwindle away
The mirage is even dimming and I cannot see myself

I wanted to be a positive, enjoyable person to be around
I wanted to enjoy my life and be proud of myself
I wanted to have grand accomplishments and to say I helped someone

But what do I have? I have a selfish, quit mentality
When something comes up that could allow me to be good to someone I am close to,
I push them away. I am cynical and hard to be around

When I can set aside my selfish, stupid reasons for wasting my time
in order to do something fun, then I'm good with me
But when I let a stupid idea or sore spot prevail... then I am ashamed

Time passes quickly and we always take things for granted until it is too late to realize it
It is time I stepped up and became the me I want to be
No more wasting time aimlessly staring at a screen or sitting in silence

I will find meaningful conversation when there is an opportunity
I will share the written word and start on the many projects I think will write themselves
I will be the me I want to be.