Poetry Draft

After the holidays I was thinking back on the week and how I didn't step out of the box and didn't do things with my family. I missed the chance to make precious memories with them. This poem is in response to the feelings that overwhelmed me in the 24 hours after I left.

I'm not me...
By: Alyssa Collins

I'm not the me I want to be
I'm not the things I thought I was

I once thought I had a purpose and was special
Now I see that was a mirage
All along I've been wandering through the desert
Waiting to find some grand motivation
Something that will make everyday worthwhile

And while I wait... and wander through this desert place
I find that my motivation and the person I was dwindle away
The mirage is even dimming and I cannot see myself

I wanted to be a positive, enjoyable person to be around
I wanted to enjoy my life and be proud of myself
I wanted to have grand accomplishments and to say I helped someone

But what do I have? I have a selfish, quit mentality
When something comes up that could allow me to be good to someone I am close to,
I push them away. I am cynical and hard to be around

When I can set aside my selfish, stupid reasons for wasting my time
in order to do something fun, then I'm good with me
But when I let a stupid idea or sore spot prevail... then I am ashamed

Time passes quickly and we always take things for granted until it is too late to realize it
It is time I stepped up and became the me I want to be
No more wasting time aimlessly staring at a screen or sitting in silence

I will find meaningful conversation when there is an opportunity
I will share the written word and start on the many projects I think will write themselves
I will be the me I want to be.

Unexpected friendships

Hello beautiful/handsome people,

Isn't it a wonderful day? At least, I sure hope you're having a wonderful day.

I just wanted to share my thoughts on friendships that were not in your sight, but that happened and have enriched your life.

My grandpa remarried in 2006 a few months before my 15th birthday. I liked his wife enough, but I didn't really have a relationship with her, yet.

If you have had someone in your family get remarried then you know that you're a little apprehensive and nervous at first. You are happy that your family member found love again, trust their judgment, and like the person... But you're just not sure how your family dynamic will change and hope that all the things you loved before stay a part of your lives. Its an interesting dichotomy.

Quickly after they married I became good friends with my grandpa's wife. She just took me in like she had known me my whole life. Whenever I needed advice she helped me through, she took me out and treated me to girls days, we worked together on projects, and she engaged me in thoughtful conversations even though we are apart of different generations. During trying times, before I moved, she was the person I turned to for a listening ear and guidance, which was only two years into the marriage.

 She probably doesn't know it, but she was the only person I talked to about something going on in my life at one point. It was a time when I desperately needed someone to listen to me and help me work through the situation. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have her to lean on.  Even after I moved we were able to stay close and have nice visits when we were together.

Lately I keep reflecting on our beginnings over eight years ago. I held our friendship very close while I lived away, but we definitely weren't able to communicate as frequently. I would say that the physical distance did become a slight relational distance. Which happened with everyone I was close to when I moved. Just part of the whole thing even though we have countless technologies that help us keep in touch.  Now that I am living with her (and my grandpa!), I am glad that we can have daily chats and that she can mentor me in person. I learn something new from her everyday.

I am just very grateful that my grandpa fell in love with her because she has added so much to our family--love, laughs, generosity, creativity, a realness of sorts, and many good times.

In the beginning I knew she was a nice lady and I knew we would have a good relationship, but I didn't know we would be friends. In fact I would consider her one of my best friends.

(Shout out!- Love you Laurie and I am extremely thankful for your friendship, unconditional love, and all that you have done for me.)

Do you have a good friend that you didn't expect to be so close to? Let them know how much they mean to you!

Simply Live in that you appreciate your friends.
Live Simply in that you enjoy the kind of routine things you do with your friends--like sit around and talk, get their advice a problem, rants when somethings or someones being annoying, etc. As John Lennon said, "Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted time."

Until next time,
Alyssa

Reflecting on Kinky Boots

Hello lovely people, 

I was typing up some stuff work and listening to my Wicked, Kinky Boots and Phantom of the Opera station on Pandora Radio. It is always interesting how your mind wanders and thinks of things that still strike a nerve. 

I saw Kinky Boots back in February, so six months ago, and when we were walking there was this casual looking guy and his two sidekicks outside of the theater. The main guy had a megaphone and was talking about Jesus and salvation, and everything that comes with that. I really wanted to go up to him and ask him why he was saying all of this at a Kinky Boots performance. Had he ever seen the play? Did he know what it felt like to be looked down on and dehumanized? If he had seen the play and knew what it was like to be dehumanized then he wouldn't have been spreading this message.

It really infuriates me when people can get out there, take their time, and go to all the effort to do something like in the guise of hate and "I'm better than you". We all act in ways that the God in the Bible would see as not in accordance with his teachings. So why did this guy need to protest outside of a show that is all about embracing and loving yourself? 

Does he protest outside of movies that perpetrate violence? Does he protest outside of shows or movies that degrade women? I don't know the answer, but my guess would be no. 

A show about a love, peace, and acceptance is not one that should boycotted. This man only protested because one of the main characters is a transvestite. Who cares about the 15 other characters and the theme of the play. Shame on you for putting down someone for being who they are. It is not acceptable to judge people based on their gender, skin color, or religion....yet he can put down someone for being gay, lesbian, transgender, or queer. 

Does this guy really think yelling out to two or three hundred people going into this play will bring these sinners and those who are in the play to Jesus??? Why would they even want to listen when you are approaching them in a negative way? 

I just cannot sit by and stand for this type of behavior. It does not make any sense and really hurts those Christians who are kind, compassionate, understanding of people because they get generalized with this bad example. If you are a Christian who believes that part of the Bible that says not to judge your neighbor then I appreciate you. If you are a part of another religion and believe that people should live and let them then I appreciate you, too! 

I want to leave you with the lyrics from the final song in Kinky Boots so you can understand the message it sends if you haven't seen it. 

"But before we go, we would like to leave you with the Price and Simon secret to success:
Alright, now we've all heard of the 12 step program, have we not?

Yes, but what you can do in 12, I want you to know that we all can do in 6 now, and it goes like this:

One: Pursue the truth

Two: Learn something new

Three: Accept yourself and you'll accept others too!

Four: Let love shine

Five: Let pride be your guide

Six: Change the world when you change your mind!

Just be. Who you wanna be.

Never let them tell you who you ought to be.

Just be. With dignity.

Celebrate your life triumphantly.

You'll see.
Its beautiful."

Read more: Original Broadway Cast Recording - Raise You Up / Just Be Lyrics | MetroLyrics. 


Here is the Kinky Boots Musical website if you want to find it near you! I highly recommend it. 


Simply Live in that you get the speck out of your own eye before you try to get out of someone elses. 

Live Simply in that you enjoy little or big theater productions! 

Love always, 
Alyssa 

We cannot be indifferent.

While in New Orleans I came across a homeless man holding a sign saying "homeless hungry veteran" near Canal and Bourbon Street. At least 300 people had walked past him paying him no mind.

He was probably in his early 60's and I just looked at his sign and passed wishing I had some cash to give him. Then I grabbed my partners arm and turned back to him. I just spent $45 on a meal and $10 on drinks. I could not just walk by when I had just spent so much money on more food than I could eat and on drinks that I didn't need.

I told him I had no money, but would be glad to buy him a meal if that would be okay. His eyes got big and he said, "ye-yeah."
We walked into the Krystal Burger and I told him he could order whatever he wanted. He just kind of looked at the menu so I suggested the chicken sliders for him. "That sounds good. Could you please order for me?" I was glad to, but felt such pain for him that he was so ostracized from society that he felt he couldn't even order a meal.

He came to New Orleans for a job from New Mexico. All of his family is in New Mexico. The painting company went under. Without a job and when you literally live pay check to check you cannot make ends meet long. He was evicted, can't find a job, and is now left on the streets.

Without access to the internet or a car this man that served our country in the Army is left sitting on Bourbon street at 11 p.m. hoping someone is kind enough to give him money so he can eat.

I asked him if there were any shelters that he knew of, and he said he tried them but every time he went they were in such bad conditions that he got sick so he won't go back...

In a country of such tremendous wealth how can atrocities like this occur?

We are often guilty of thinking that homeless people are just bums, but if you put yourself in their shoes you can understand how hard it is to get off of your feet. The only reason I have what I do today is because of my supportive family and connections.

If you have the ability to buy someone a meal then please do it. No one can progress if they are constantly worried about survival.

After I wished him well and walked away I just felt helpless that I couldn't do more. But my partner reminded me that I just made a difference in his life and if that's all I can do right now then I need to be proud of that.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference." - Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor

Live the life you want with no inhibitions!

Regardless of your suspicions about Bruce Jenner's coming out earlier this year, you cannot deny that he has taken a bold step that took an enormous amount of courage. 

I am super excited to see such a public figure come out and say-- This is who I am! Forget who I was and get to know the real me. I think there is a piece of all of us who want people to forget about the reputation that precedes us and show our real selves. Often times it is hard to show the softer side because we are afraid that we will be rejected. And what could be more damaging than someone not accepting the real part of you? But that does not mean we should put on our faces and just enjoy the masquerade. 

It is far more beautiful and attractive to show your soul. I love authentic people. Those who are vulnerable and aren't afraid to be themselves are the ones you end up connecting with the most. Do not be afraid to show people who you are. Let them love and accept you for exactly who you are. Let them love the things about yourself that you hate. People will often surprise you, let them. 

I hope we can all find acceptance within and then share it with the world. This post has been inspired by Caitlyn Jenner and the gigantic step that she has taken to overcome her reputation and be who she wants to be. 

Simply Live in that you love every aspect of yourself- your body, your inner demons, your quirks, your talents.

Live Simply in that you accept others for offering you insight into their soul. It is not your place to question who they  are. 

Much love, 

Alyssa

Pride

Pride is a interesting character flaw that we all have to deal with from time to time.

We often don't know it's there until it makes a surprise appearance. Sometimes I don't know I'm being rational and doing the right thing, or if pride is getting in my way of doing the right thing.

How do we even know what the right thing is? Every situation is different and can have many scenarios as to how it could play out in the 'right' way. It hard to know which route to take sometimes. But the important thing is to listen to your gut and not let your mind get in your way.

Often times my mind starts to over think things and then pride starts to creep in. When you are in doubt as what you should do in a situation take a deep breathe, analyze all of the possible scenarios, pick the one you honestly believe to be the best, then buckle up and relax knowing that you made the best decision for you. Others may not agree with the route you chose, but as Eleanor Roosevelt said:

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyways."

I write this because recently a situation arose and I thought I would have acted differently than someone else. But after discussing their decision with them I understood and agreed with their decision... I should not have let my pride and judgement get the better of me. Instead I should have sought understanding of the persons decisions and let them decide for themselves how to live their life. It is hard not to step into other people's lives and tell them how to live it.

We must truly live by the ethic of reciprocity -- treat others as you wish to be treated. It is that simple.

So simply live in that you are validated in your decisions. You are the only one living your life.

Live simply in that you support those around you, and that you only intervene in their lives when they need a helping hand, not when you have your agenda to how they should live their lives.

Much love,
Alyssa

Respecting and learning from older generations

Around Christmas time my grandpa (who I call "Pa") was generous enough to offer me a job helping him type up his writings. For many years he has been a journalist, and on top of that he is an incredibly ingenious man with a story for every occasion.

I grew up just 5 minutes from Pa so got to spend a lot of time with him over the years. There are some stories I feel like I lived, yet every time I see him now I hear new stories that captivate me. He has definitely mastered the art of storytelling. My grandpa's stories and generosity are infamous in our neck of the woods. He is just a wonderful person and has added so much richness to my life and countless others.  

I have typed up about 30 pages of stories for him so far and it is so nice to gain that insight into his thoughts, hear about the way things were for him growing up, and to visualize pivotal points in his life that helped shape him into the man that I know and love. He certainly has enough stories to fill a book and I am beyond honored that I get to help him compile this book over the next few months. 

I remember writing a paper about my hero when I was in middle school, I wrote about Pa. He is truly an inspiration. Words cannot describe how awesome it is to be able to type up memorable events, people, incidences, and values that he has experienced throughout his life. The journal entries he has sent me thus far are really comprehensive. They cover childhood up until this current year. It is really amazing to learn about my great grandparents and have the opportunity to feel like I knew them.

It is my wish for every generation to connect with the ones before them on a deep level. I learn so much from my grandpa, have a better sense of how fortunate I am to have things we now take for granted, and have a better sense of purpose for my life because of our relationship. 

He has lived an amazing, distinguished, and incomparable life. I consider it a blessing to know him, a gift to be related to him, and an honor to work for him. 

Simply Live in that you connect with those around you, especially those that have a few more years experience in life than you.

Live Simply in that enjoy the little stories along the way that enrich your everyday life.

Much love,

Alyssa